Sparkle will start palliative chemo soon. It is not wrong to want more time with those we love ❤️
My goal continues to be making sure the benefits of treatment outweigh the burdens of treatment. I ask myself —what would Sparkle choose?
I continue to believe that she wants to stay.
TGIF and please have a wonderful, happy day.
Another reason I love living in Boise — Cindy could just stop on by with homemade dog cookies!
Pozy and Capella had to share…
…but Sparkle got her own 🩷
Happy Wednesday ❤️
Zelimir Dewey
Kaibab’s Just Seeking Peace (2016 - 2025)
A memorial by one of his beloved humans, Tony Lee
“It’s been almost 2 months since ZeD crossed the rainbow bridge and I’m still struggling with my emotions, many conflicting ones. I feel cheated. I feel relieved. I feel guilt. I feel anger. I feel peace.
I feel cheated out of my time of taking care of him. ZeD had renal hemangiosarcoma that seems to have come out of nowhere. He kept it well hidden until the end. He was doing fine, walking at least 2 miles a day until the day before he ended up in the ER and 36 hours later, he was gone! At least with Nikko and his histio diagnosis, we had an extra 9 months together where I could dote on him daily. I wanted those 9 months with ZeD.
I feel relieved that it was quick for him because he didn’t have to suffer any longer. Seeing him in the ER with tubes up his nose so he could breathe and shaven patches all over his body due to various procedures tore my heart into a million pieces.
I feel guilt and anger because I had to wait for 2 weeks so we could be seen by an oncologist. How could that even be? UC Davis didn’t want to admit us unless we could prove 100% that it was cancer. Several hospitals in the area didn’t have oncology staff. But I feel peace…I didn’t cry as much as I did with Nikko. I found a way! Every morning when I go on my run, I stop at all the spots where Nikko and ZeD used to sit and rest, be it in a parking lot, or in front of someone’s house. I sit down and talk to both of them for a few minutes and tell them to run with me. Now I know how it feels when I see people walking around and talking to no one. There’s always someone there!
I still remember the day when I picked up ZeD in SLC at Kathy’s house. It was such a fun party and we hitched a ride with Kay and Sue. He was such a good boy at the airport and on the plane. The week before I picked him up, I did a daily reveal of his name on facebook letter by letter. People were curious indeed. First day was a Z, then ZE, then ZEL, ZELI, ZELIM, ZELIMI…and finally ZELIMIR. That was the call name we gave him. In the Slavic language, it is associated with the desire for peace. He was born at the end of 2016, right after the election. I wanted his name to be meaningful while at the same time paying tribute to our first berner Zephyr. His litter name was Dewey, named after Mary-Ann’s dear friend Carol (Look her up!) and Mary-Ann wanted to keep that name. So his name became Zelimir Dewey, as if Zelimir wasn’t already mouthful! Soon, we shortened to Ze.D and he became ZeD, Zeddy, Tcheddy, Yeddy, and a multitude of other sonic variations.
Nikko decided since day one that he didn’t want to have anything to do with ZeD, so Rosie the Finnish lapphund because his surrogate mom. She was there with him until the end and I can tell she’s missing him every day. He loved to clean her eyes (gross!). Everyday with ZeD was an adventure. I remember one time when he was about a year old and we went out for a walk in the rain. He saw a bunny and decided to take off. I was holding his leash and fell on my back and he dragged me across the yard of someone’s house. I hope they didn’t have a surveillance camera because that was quite embarrassing. I trained him to find money on our daily walks, but he could never get to the level of Nikko’s. The interesting thing is that after Nikko left, he hardly found anything at all. We blamed it on the economy.
I haven’t cleaned the car or certain parts of the house because I don’t want to erase the memories -- the drool stains on the car windows or some blood that he coughed up and landed it on the baseboard. At some point I will have to, but not now. I just want him to stay a little longer…”
💔
Thank you, Tony.
And I am so very sorry.