From the Inside Space

One of the most valuable things I have learned from the past few years is the importance of a pause.

Unless it is a matter of safety, there is usually no reason to instantly react.

So much better to experience the thing, and then go into a mental/emotional space to consider both the meaning of the thing and how we want to react.

Artist: Berkeley

Over four years ago, I discovered that my then-husband had a collection of child sexual abuse material (aka child porn). In response, I did what I believed a Good Human should do under those circumstances.

This is a decent representation of what happened to my life as a consequence of doing the right thing.

I haven’t shared much about what has happened or what I have experienced in these intervening years. I couldn’t — for several reasons, including the ongoing investigation.

A few weeks ago, I finally got the call. I settled into a pause space with the news, trying to understand what part of this is my story to tell — and why telling it matters to me. I am still sorting all that out.

But I want to say this about that.

No, I wasn’t lying.

Starry's Fun Sunday Morning

Last night I set my internal alarm clock for 3:30 am and I woke up at 3:20. Do you also wake up automatically if you set an internal alarm clock?

Yes, the most perfect Sparkle 💖

I fed the dogs, had my coffee, wrote in my journal, and was out the door with Capella by 4:50. Yes, it was dark and no, I did not get arrested as I prowled around a local middle school, dropping five random items on my path.

Capella’s reward for hanging out in her crate while I did that was to go for a walk at lovely Kleiner Park — in the dark but at least it was cool!

Pozy went for the next walk — just around the neighborhood as she continues to build back muscle from her third surgery on her right knee.

And then we waited, Starry excited and annoying because she knew what all that meant: Tracking Day.

Rituals are pre-cues for dogs. They let the dog know in advance what is coming up. The only days Starry doesn’t get the first walk is when she will be tracking. The only days I pack up the empty glass container is Tracking Day.

The jackpot goes in the container and I place it at the end of the track before we run it.

And trust me on this — the only time I go to the McDonald’s Drive-thru (aka The Magic Talking Sign) is on the way to Starry’s track 😂

Starry knew exactly what was happening well before we arrived at the middle school.

It had been 2.5 hours since I laid the track. It was 704 yards long with six turns, five articles, and over half of it was on non-vegetated surfaces like concrete and asphalt.

X = article

It took 11 minutes for me to lay the track — it took Starry 13 minutes to run it 🐾💨 She is confident and quick, and it is fascinating to watch her work.

Starry has been tracking on hard surfaces since last September — here is a look at one of her first tracks. In the beginning, we use food to help the dog understand the job — she caught on quickly, as you can see 🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪

Starry earned her TDU at the Specialty in May and since then we have been training 2 - 3 days a week for VST. Good thing I am a Morning Person — aging tracks during the summer heat means they need to be laid VERY early so it is not too hot by the time they are ready to run.

We find out on Friday if she gets drawn for a track in the August Montana VST test 🍀

Happy Sunday, Friend ❤️

Legacy

Maple — my grand-dog.

Here she is with Starry.

Yes, Maple was at my house. Why? Because my son knows that if you have a sick dog, I am a good person to contact for help navigating things.

And so he called me and the very next day we each drove eight hours to meet halfway between where he was in Montana and my house in Boise. That was a Saturday.

Maple’s symptoms? Vomiting after meals and weight loss — nothing else.

I brought her home, fed her dinner, and she threw up. Off we went to the Specialty hospital that very night.

X-rays showed something in Maple’s esophagus and so we made a plan to return on Monday for a full work-up.

I took Maple home and she had a grand day on Sunday playing with Starry and licking all the frozen meals I made for her with the goat’s milk kefir Cindy brought over for her. Maple didn’t throw up even once that day.

And on Monday, after a CT scan, the internal medicine veterinarian scoped her esophagus and called me while Maple was still under anesthesia. I was driving as I talked to her, listening in stunned disbelief as she told me that Maple had a horrible, invasive, inoperable mass in her esophagus that was almost certainly cancer.

Maple was 21 months old. Not a Berner. Tragedy is not breed-specific.

I asked the veterinarian to kiss Maple for me and tell her she was loved, and I gave consent for Maple to be euthanized.

But Maple’s story doesn’t end there.

I asked that a biopsy be obtained and sent to Vidium, a lab I like to use when answers matter.

Maple had T-cell Lymphoma.

The veterinarian told me she had never seen the disease present as it did with Maple. Again, it was just vomiting after meals and the resulting weight loss. She was active and happy until the end.

Establishing a diagnosis — and letting us all learn from that diagnosis — is part of Maple’s legacy.

Knowledge matters — we cannot make informed decisions without information. In dog breeding, so much is unknowable — but that makes the knowable parts all the more important.

That is why my puppy contract includes these terms:

• Breeder is to be contacted before any significant procedure (including and especially euthanasia).

• Buyer agrees to keep Breeder apprised of the on-going health of the dog, including receiving copies of veterinary records if requested.

• Buyer agrees that cause of death of this dog will be firmly established, which may include necropsy and histopathology review if requested by Breeder (at her expense). 

Because every dog matters enough to leave a legacy.

Rest in Love, Maple Mae.