The Daily Q: Notice Normal

It is useful to pay attention to the small reminders of normal that still exist as we navigate life — and now death — in a pandemic.

Thank you, Sparkle.

Life limps on — if we are lucky. I feel that pretty acutely these days — I bet many of you can relate.

Something unexpected that happened this week was the arrival of our grandson, Kai. He was visiting Montana from California and — well — he arrived here.

Kai, now 15, is a delightful teenager — two words that do not always go well together but in his case, it is true. He is, however, a teenager and so is spending most of his time in the guest house (aka Lucky the RV) playing video games remotely with all of his friends and doing his online school work.

That RV is a teenager’s dream come true. A comfy private space — and Grandma’s Cafe right out the door. I made scones for the first time since last Spring. Another sliver or normality.

Kai observed, “Daisy is the friendliest dog EVER.”

We are working on the plan to get him back to his mom in California — no easy feat in the midst of a pandemic. Luckily, our new masks arrived.

Thank you, Elizabethanne!

Another normal thing we have done this week is to walk dogs with Suzanne. Being out with a friend and our dogs is pretty awesome, and so are the views at our private dog walking spot.

This is Daisy trying to heel some treats out of Suzanne.

It worked, of course. That is also normal.

I offer a nudge for today — notice all the normal. It helps.

Stay well. Stay hopeful. Stay normal.

We got this.

The Daily Q: Tread Lightly

Good Manners and Perspective are significant reasons why loss and grief come with social symptoms, and especially social withdrawal. The good manners part likely also explains why more people are not slugged by the bereaved.

People who are grieving typically don’t have emotional space to feel anything remotely sympathetic for everyday disappointments and inconveniences. In fact, listening to people bitch and moan about anything less tragic and permanent than death may well fill with the bereaved with searing rage and/or sorrow that they have discovered yet another so-called friend to cross off their list.

That social withdrawing may, in fact, simply be the result of Friend List pruning. After all, who wants or needs a friend who doesn’t have the good sense to avoid talking about her hangnail to someone whose partner just died?!

It is tricky.

The Perspective of the bereaved has radically shifted. Anything less than death now feels like an amazing gift.

Roof caved in? It can be fixed.

Dog events cancelled? Meh.

You burned the eggplant and set the kitchen on fire? R.I.P. eggplant?? What the problem?!

You get the idea.

This is why it is important to check yourself when you talk to a bereaved person. If they have the space or desire to hear your news, they will ask. And when they do, proceed cautiously — it likely was not an invitation to back up your Dump Truck of Disappointments and Inconveniences and unload on someone drowning in a Real Problem.

Raging Perspective is part of Grief. Tread Lightly on that shattered heart.

The Daily Q: What We Can Do

Messy. This is all so very messy.

Terri Zimmerman said that the deaths of her dogs had taught her to grieve, and so had prepared her when her dad died.

Maybe that is why the lifetime of a dog is short — so they can teach us what it means grieve and to go on.

I don’t know. It is just all so messy.

And sad.

Clark — and Clark.

Two of us approached Kris separately about doing a Go Fund Me for funeral expenses. She initially said no but when both Jess and I had the idea, and I explained that it is a way to honor people’s desire to do something, Kris agreed.

The link to the campaign is HERE.

I just wish we could do more. Where is that Magic Wand?