The Daily Q: Stay Calm and Birthday On

We tend to live with the people (and animals) we do because we made a choice; I suspect it was not, however, a fully informed one.

We signed up to live a happily ever “normal life” — that is not quite the same as living for what seems like eternity with someone who is counting out squares of toilet paper and watching some strange tiger show on Netflix.

We are required to face this crisis under conditions that are not ideal for facing a crisis.

How does that even work? Do we just take turns being the calm and supportive presence for each other?!

The “How to Have a Happy Family” book left out the chapter about being quarantined in a 900-square-foot apartment with two toddlers, off-the-chart worry — and a work-from-home job.

The truth is that we are all just making this up as we go.

I am a fan of being intentional and mindful. This means I try to be very aware of my experiences and emotions. These days I am paying close attention to reactions that might be less about this minor irritation and more about that whole pandemic thing looming outside my door.

Being mindful and self-awareness also means — to me — understanding that emotions and reactions tend towards global, and are not usually specific to one thing. If one is anxious about Covid-19 (and who isn’t?!), for example, that anxiety will permeate all aspects of life and not just turn on when one thinks about Covid-19.

Expect to be touchy.

Expect to be anxious.

Expect to have all the emotions close to the surface at one time or another — or all the time.

Expect BIG reactions for things that ordinarily would be “meh.”

Normal.

Because of all that, this is not the time to decide about anything big in your life — like divorce. [FYI — you cannot actually divorce your children.]

This is a time to sit tight, stay the course, and just take one day at a time — or even just one hour at a time.

It is a time to practice every ounce of patience you have — with yourself and your fellow viral prisoner(s).

Today is also an excellent day to rest your mind on this wonderful woman who is celebrating her birthday without the benefit of a family party.

There is a lot we can’t do — that is true. But not even a pandemic can take away your birthday!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DORIS!

The Daily Q: What To Flatten

Yesterday I got a call from a friend. She shared upcoming plans with me — and added that she would not be discussing them widely because she did not want to deal with judging.

Harper B for Be Nice.

I have thought about how this tendency to believe OUR decisions are the only true and correct decisions — making all other choices wrong and bad — will play out during this pandemic.

Her phone call suggested an answer.

Life with Covid-19 may well amplify two realities about human behavior:

People judge/criticize.

People seek to avoid judgement/criticism.

The consequence of those two things, of course, is that there will be LESS connection during a time when we need more connection.

Oh Dear.

Can we just agree that our contributions to flattening the curve may well be different from each other?

I will avoid liquor stores, for example, because alcohol is not essential in my world.

But maybe it is for you — and so out you go into the Great Viral Unknown to stock up on gin, tequila, and wine.

My friend may think hope is essential and so will venture out to get a progesterone test done on her dog.

The assessment of what is a necessary risk or essential service will reflect what is unique and individual about a person and/or family. It seems so important to understand and respect this new kind of diversity (within the limits of necessary public policies).

You need a quarantini — she needs hope.

Daisy

We need to flatten the curve — not each other.

The Daily Q: The Power of AND

We are about to join some of the rest of you…

From the Missoulian

Someone else is now deciding what services are “essential” in our lives here in Montana. Liquor stores get to stay open, for example, but I cannot get a progesterone test on my dog after today.

Huh.

I support the order!

AND I recognize the additional layer of helplessness and frustration it creates at a time when so many of us are already are running low on Little Soldiers.

Sparkle’s Little Soldier Delivery Service is up and running.

It occurs to me that we would do well to stay focused on the AND. There are so many in all of this and they matter. None of this is all silver lining and opportunity — nor is it all rotten and terrible.

The stay-home order will flatten the curve AND make things tougher.

Staying home is kind of relaxing and nice AND it is driving us nuts.

It is this AND that.

It is especially important to remember the ANDs when you find yourself in one extreme or the other. Yes, all of this is hard and frustrating and unfair AND it is also likely a well-needed pause so you can clean your closets, organize your spices, and/or play cards with your family — remotely, of course.

Family Oh Hell using Zoom.

And so my Dear Friend, Feel the Feels — and don’t forget to look for the AND. None of this is all of anything — there is always an AND.

We got this AND it is temporary.