Perfect

Someone asked me recently if there are things I miss about Montana. I have thought about this a lot. I expected waves of sorrow when I moved. They have not happened.

I miss people but since I am working remotely with occasional trips to campus, I will see those people regularly. It is also easy to stay connected with texts and emails, and so the sting of leaving people is not quite so hard as it could have been.

I was sitting on my new deck the other evening when I finally realized something I will miss about my house in Montana — sunsets. In Montana, I could watch the sun sink into the mountains and it was so lovely. I now have trees blocking my view of the sunset.

And so I reported to that person that I had finally thought of something I missed about Montana: Sunsets.

That apparently made the Universe say something to the effect of, “hold my beer” because that very evening this perfect moment happened.

A sunset AND a precious grandchild?! THAT is a perfect view.

And speaking of perfect.

Capella

We are showing this weekend — so fun. ⭐️

And here is Suki, another Bright Star, and her friend, Gherkin.

Thank you, Sue!

I think Kira will look at that photo and see strong resemblance to her Bright Star, Atlas! Both Atlas and Suki favor their mom. It is so wonderful to see Claire in her children 🙏🩷

Happy Saturday, Friend ❤️

A Blender of Feelings

If I did not understand the way emotions can — and maybe should — co-exist, I might be hiding out under the covers to escape the bombardment. Big Sorrows are sharing the stage with Big Joys and the title of the performance appears to be Big Changes.

Last week I was in Montana for work and then I did two days of the Helena shows. Those two days were a perfect example of emotional juxtapositioning (is that a word?!). It was so wonderful to see all the Berner Peeps and Claire’s sister, Jordan. Capella picked up five more points.

Capella

Sparkle showed in Veterans. I had a great dinner with Suzanne and Jay. It was so fun.

And it was so hard.

Claire was supposed to be in the draft test with Sundance so they could finish their ANBDD title. Sundance had to get a new partner and finish that title without Claire. I am thrilled for Suzanne and Sundance — and there is grief for what was supposed to be.

💔

Someone asked me, “Is Claire entered in veterans?”

The only thing I could think to say in that moment was the heartbreaking truth.

“Claire is dead,” I replied.

Many tears were shed in Helena.

And not just for Claire. I accidentally sent $3,920 to the wrong person 💸

PSA #1: Don’t multi-task while doing Venmo.

PSA#2: No live humans work at Venmo.

Wells Fargo saved the day and it all got handled — eventually 😬

And then — as I drove home on Friday — we were navigating Daisy’s emergency situation while battling with cell service dead zones.

And then Daisy died 🤯

But these things are also true: New neighbors brought over a plate of warm cookies, the Heintzbergers have been a swarm of caring, and these two live nearby.

Cuddling with Karma and Sparkle

Alison added to the joy with reports of success throughout the weekend when Team Zuber went 6 for 6 at a draft test. The weather wasn’t the only thing that was hot — Team Zuber finished FOUR draft titles: DD, BNDD, BDD, ANDD.

Congratulations to Team Zuber ⭐️🎉 I am so proud of Claire's beautiful son.

My very first project at the new house is a training yard — of course! It is going to be amazing. Sparkle thinks it is already amazing because there is so.much.dirt.

She will be very disappointed to learn that the yard will not forever be dirt — sod goes in starting today. Sorry, Sparkle!

The ability to carry on does not mean losses are not deeply felt. Rather, it reflects a commitment not to get lost in grief — because being lost in a dark place is not a fitting legacy for one who brought light and joy into our life.

Claire

And so my grief travels with me and informs everything I do by reminding me to be so very grateful — and present — for joy and love and life.

And there are tears, of course, and it is all okay.

❤️

Sad News

I am heartbroken to share that our beloved Daisy had to leave the earth. It was sudden and unexpected, leaving her family less than a day to bid her farewell.

On Friday, Daisy was clearly off and her gums were pale (always a bad sign — make sure you know what is normal for your dog). By the end of the day she had been diagnosed with a bleeding splenic mass. She left for the Rainbow Bridge early on Saturday morning, with love and gratitude for her well-loved life.

Daisy was one of the most perfect dogs I have ever known. Her temperament was her Super Power — it was simply perfection. She always reminded me of her great-great-grandmother, Mrs. Maize, who had the same steady, kind personality.

Daisy was exceptional. Truly.

And that means her loss is exceptionally felt 💔

Please rest your heart and mind on our wonderful, beloved, and exceptional girl, gone too soon with pieces of our hearts trailing behind her.