If I did not understand the way emotions can — and maybe should — co-exist, I might be hiding out under the covers to escape the bombardment. Big Sorrows are sharing the stage with Big Joys and the title of the performance appears to be Big Changes.
Last week I was in Montana for work and then I did two days of the Helena shows. Those two days were a perfect example of emotional juxtapositioning (is that a word?!). It was so wonderful to see all the Berner Peeps and Claire’s sister, Jordan. Capella picked up five more points.
Capella
Sparkle showed in Veterans. I had a great dinner with Suzanne and Jay. It was so fun.
And it was so hard.
Claire was supposed to be in the draft test with Sundance so they could finish their ANBDD title. Sundance had to get a new partner and finish that title without Claire. I am thrilled for Suzanne and Sundance — and there is grief for what was supposed to be.
💔
Someone asked me, “Is Claire entered in veterans?”
The only thing I could think to say in that moment was the heartbreaking truth.
“Claire is dead,” I replied.
Many tears were shed in Helena.
And not just for Claire. I accidentally sent $3,920 to the wrong person 💸
PSA #1: Don’t multi-task while doing Venmo.
PSA#2: No live humans work at Venmo.
Wells Fargo saved the day and it all got handled — eventually 😬
And then — as I drove home on Friday — we were navigating Daisy’s emergency situation while battling with cell service dead zones.
And then Daisy died 🤯
But these things are also true: New neighbors brought over a plate of warm cookies, the Heintzbergers have been a swarm of caring, and these two live nearby.
Cuddling with Karma and Sparkle
Alison added to the joy with reports of success throughout the weekend when Team Zuber went 6 for 6 at a draft test. The weather wasn’t the only thing that was hot — Team Zuber finished FOUR draft titles: DD, BNDD, BDD, ANDD.
Congratulations to Team Zuber ⭐️🎉 I am so proud of Claire's beautiful son.
My very first project at the new house is a training yard — of course! It is going to be amazing. Sparkle thinks it is already amazing because there is so.much.dirt.
She will be very disappointed to learn that the yard will not forever be dirt — sod goes in starting today. Sorry, Sparkle!
The ability to carry on does not mean losses are not deeply felt. Rather, it reflects a commitment not to get lost in grief — because being lost in a dark place is not a fitting legacy for one who brought light and joy into our life.
Claire
And so my grief travels with me and informs everything I do by reminding me to be so very grateful — and present — for joy and love and life.
And there are tears, of course, and it is all okay.
❤️