In the process of unpacking some long-packed boxes in my office, I came across a digital photo frame. I plugged it in and the past literally played out in front of me. Dogs, cats, people, and places — they moved silently through the frame, reminding me that losses forever exist as bruises on our souls.
Yes, I felt wonder and joy at seeing faces I love even as I had to remind myself to save the tears for a time in which they would could be private and indulged. I eventually had to simply turn off the frame — it was taking too much emotional energy to not sit and watch — and cry.
And it was in my work office, after all.
I downloaded all the photos and this morning — as I sit in a hotel room at Fairmont Hot Springs because of a work-related event — I decided the time was right to start sharing them — with myself and with you.
Thank you for resting your heart next to my bruises.
This is Abra. She started it all.
Abra is the mother of the A & B Litters, was High in Trial at the 2001 National Specialty, a Versatility Dog and also Top Producer of Versatility Dogs, my first Tracking Dog, and so much more.
This is Sydney from the Glitterati and the original Feline Puppy Nanny, Noah.
Sydney again with Zoey — they were 2.5 months apart in age.
In case those of you with iPups and Sparklers wonder where the jump gene comes from. This is Zoey — she was under a year and kept getting out of her x-pen. I would come home and the x-pen was up but she was not in it — this is how she was doing that:
The cats are long threads through the tapestry of the dogs’ lives — this is Karma with Halo from the B Litter.
Karma again with Sydney.
This is Asia. Oh, Asia. Grand Champion. Tracking Champion. Failed orthopedics and so was never bred — but because Asia was so amazing I repeated the breeding and got Zoey. A reminder that sometimes the thing that breaks our heart is simply a redirection.
Caption: “Let me tell you what happened in Iowa last night…”
This is Cadi in the pink — she is from the C Litter and is the mother of the Glitterati. Next to her is Maize from the A Litter — Cadi’s mom. Both were amazing dogs and so beloved.
A puppy is full of promise and hope. And so frustrating and hard and all that. But someday you will look at her photo and your heart will shatter again at the remembering, and you would give anything to have her back — to bite you, to pee in the hall, to frustrate you.
These dogs have taught me that heart breaking lesson. My awareness that they will leave me is why I train them using “no regrets” positive methods, and why they simply cannot disappoint me. No matter what.
Hold them close to your heart — the very one they will break.
This is Zoey and Sydney as puppies.
Galen lived with me at the time and helped with those two litters — Sydney was “his” and Zoey was “mine.” The two puppies basically decided that between themselves, and it was like that for their entire lives. Sydney ALWAYS turned inside out (and peed) when she saw Galen — hence the need for greetings to happen outside ;)
Sydney is the mother of the H Moon Litter. Accomplished, smart, and independent with the kind disposition of her Grandma Maize and the happy energy of her mom, Cadi — what a joyful dog Sydney was.
Zoey was an incredibly accomplished dog — a Grand Champion who was also a multiple High in trial obedience dog, including at a National Specialty. She earned all the difficult titles — you can check it out in Berner-Garde. But those things are only a reflection of the relationship we shared, and it is was/is that relationship that was the treasure — the thing of value.
Anyone who knew Maize in her long life will tell you that she was Perfect in every way. Kind, smart, fun, loving to all.
We so loved (still do) Mrs. Maize so much — she was a-maizing.
Halo is the mother of the E and F Litters. Halo was a talented, smart, devoted dog — she could also open the refrigerator. Seriously. She got her Tracking Dog title on her exact six-month birthday, which is the youngest a dog can be entered in a test, and that was the start to an accomplished and well-loved life.
Halo gave me Zoey.
This is Zoey’s TD —she was seven moths.
At that same Specialty she placed in all three puppy classes — Sweeps, Futurity, and the regular classes. Zoey was balanced and beautiful and moved like a dream. I see Zoey in the Sparklers — she is their grandmother.
Can you see why I had to turn off the digital frame?! Please pass the kleenex.
And tomorrow? The humans in the photos…