Reacting in anger or annoyance will not advance one's ability to persuade. (RBG)
I have a puppy.
This means I am in and out all day long as we support her excellent housetraining progress.
Sometimes these two are in the yard when we go out.
I quickly got tired of their loud protests that Pozy — not them — was having the extremely amazing privilege of peeing on the side lawn.
Further, I did not want Pozy to learn unfortunate behavior — she already enjoys her vocal talents enough.
I needed a Plan.
In my world, a Change Plan has to be both kind and effective.
Therefore, I do not beat up on dogs when they annoy me. It doesn’t fit my idea of what makes a Good Person and besides, it is ineffective in creating change and violence ruins relationships.
I can now walk outside without drama — even when the two most …lively, shall we say… are in the yard.
How did that happen?
I thanked and rewarded them for small efforts at being quiet and gradually increased the quiet criteria over a few days. I can now take the puppy out and there is zero barking from Claire and only occasional barks from Sparkle, who finds it very hard to not register at least a small protest at the unfairness.
I get that.
Being an ethical, kind, and decent human being does not mean we give up strongly held beliefs or commitment to change.
But don’t ever make the mistake of thinking nice means doormat. It does not.
Rather, being an ethical, kind and decent human means being committed to creating needed change in effective and ethical ways, allowing us to be part of the solution and not the problem — REGARDLESS of how others behave.
If one justifies abuse with, “they started it” or “they deserve it” or “I have no choice” — well, take a hard look in the mirror, Friend, because you are part of the problem.
Nobody — human or dog — deserves a beating, with words or fists.
Ever.
And make no mistake — the choice is not between Beating and Silent Complicity.
Creating Change is a reasonable and important choice. Respectfully and effectively.
…is such great practice for Life with Humans.