Thinking back over the ten or so weeks that the 10+10 lived with me, I am reminded that the delicate interplay between humans is influenced by so many internal realities that we cannot truly understand.
I suspect no human being could have raised two litters in such enriched ways plus managed a professional job — and not dropped balls.
Zoey, great-grandma to the Bright Stars and great-great aunt to the Moonshadows. Zoey did not drop balls. Ever.
It was a time when I lived close to that emotional edge we all experience at times; I lived in that space for weeks and weeks.
My Best Self was there for the puppies. My Good Enough Self was there for the other critical things, and the Come Back Later Self handled most of my life, truth be told.
No, I would never, ever do two litters again. But it is done and I learned a lot.
My commitment to self-care paid off — that is Lesson #1. I dialed WAY back on all non-essentials. I rarely missed a day on my Peloton bike. I sought and accepted help from my excellent support system. There is no Best Self to show up for the things that matter if we neglect self-care.
I gained additional gratitude for perspective. No — you are not devastated that I am not placing a puppy with you — that is disappointment. Devastated is when your child or your partner dies.
I hope I never lose perspective.
I learned so much about Grace. The hopeful yearning when we need it. The relief and gratitude when Grace is received. The sorrow that follows when Grace is withheld or denied.
So many people wanted puppies. Managing the complicated placement puzzles, the anxieties of the humans, and finding tactful ways of telling people they did not meet my standards of puppy suitability — SO FLIPPING HARD.
It got easier when I got too tired to overthink or engage or explain.
Thank you, Lori!
So many good lessons but trust me — Claire is not the only one who needs some time to recover.
Breeding dogs well is awfully tough on the tender-hearted, but I am glad it was hard — because if it wasn’t, I would worry about the state of my soul. Creating Life is a sacred responsibility — Motherhood should never be exploited.
Something else I learned: The world is filled with amazing human beings. My support system. People who sent such lovely gifts and messages and cards — and a quilt! The new homes who have been gracious with me and appreciative of the puppies. Our veterinarian and her staff. I could go on and on.
Imperfect humans are amazingly and perfectly wonderful. Thank you.
Please — have a graceful day.