The Specialty is in Sacramento — I am staying in Davis, a nearby town where both my sisters live. I am writing this from my dad’s mobile home, which is also in Davis.
My dad was supposed to be here. He died in February.
His mobile home is being readied for sale and is now empty except the small table and chairs.
And now me, three dogs, and a lot of tie-dyed clothing.
Check out the comforter my sister brought over for the air mattress bed — how perfect is that?!
I have a lot of Big Feelings about this Specialty. About this trip.
So much sorrow for the loss of my dad. He should be here.
Joy at being with my sisters.
Joy because I am at this Specialty with my dogs — in my home state of California. With my friends. My Dog Peeps. At long last.
I also feel a strange sense of preparing for the sucker punch that happens whenever I think of the last Specialty I attended. Two years ago. Husband stayed home with Claire and Harper. He never mentioned on our regular phone calls that week I was in Colorado that his Affair Partner was also there — in my home.
Such betrayal. Such horrible deception. I cannot stop myself from remembering it.
I cannot stop myself from feeling such sorrow and loss that my dad is not here.
I don’t even try.
I just feel it all and let it pass on through me. Over and over. It is best that way.
We all live bittersweet lives. No joy is untouched by sorrow.
And neither joy nor sorrow cancels the other. They always coexist. I choose to let them do that in an honest, peaceful way.
Today is Tracking. The very different conditions than we have practiced at home could be a benefit or a hinderance — no way to know how Claire will respond.
And whatever happens will be wonderful and amazing — because we are here.
#perspective
Today’s Lucky Socks…
Zoey. Always in my heart — and today, also on my feet!
Happy Monday, Friends!